Fabricated Truth

Listening to Hollywood bigwigs (Jeffrey Katzenberg, the head of Dreamworks Animantion, for example) and hot-shot directors like James Cameron, even some critics are falling all over themselves to proclaim that the future of film-making is three dimensional. More and more studios are making more and more films in the “revolutionary new format”, that is going to be as much of a game-changer as sound film and colour film were once. I’m here to tell you that this is all lies.

Let’s face it: 3D is a gimmick. Nothing more, nothing less. It is hardly original. The first major movement for 3D was back in the 1950s and contrary to popular opinion they were neither viewed through those horrible red-green-glasses we all know from amusement parks, nor were only B-movies made that way, but also such classics as Dial M for Murder or Kiss Me Kate.* The technology used was almost identical to the one used today, so all those claims of 3D in the current incarnation being anything new are the first big lie.

The second big lie is that 3D is actually in any way superior to normal, 2D images. All those claims that the world around us is three dimensional and that it would only be natural to have them in film as well are just, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Transferring a three dimensional image onto a two dimensional plane (commonly called a screen) is not natural and actually presents our eyes with problems, because they can’t focus properly. Some people can deal with that, others can’t - through no fault of their own, of course, simply because their eyes refuse to see things that aren’t there.

And to top it all off, they tell us that the days of headache inducing images are over. I wish it were so, I really do. The idea of 3D is fascinating. But even with modern technology, headaches, nausea and all the other side-effects are still prevalent, as this article points out far more eloquently than I ever could. Please read it. Seriously. Right now. Don’t continue reading this until you have finished it.

Now that you have read the Slate article, let me just point out the reason for this stream of consciousness rant. Last night, I saw Journey to the Center of the Earth, one of the few non-animated 3D films released so far. I saw it at home with those silly red-green glasses, so that might impact my opinion somewhat. But in all honesty, it was a surprisingly solid, enjoyable flick that was (almost) completely ruined by 3D.

In December, James Cameron is releasing his newest film, Avatar, the first film he has made since Titanic in 1997, in 3D. Since Cameron films are usually completely devoid of plot, interesting characters or anything resembling good entertainment besides special effects - what is often called the Michael Bay school of film-making - we can expect it to be rather bad, because there is no way the effects are as great, unique and new as Cameron promises. Still, people are going to flock to theatres and there is even a chance I might be among them. But in January, can we please forget about the future and go back to making good films? Because sooner or later, even Hollywood will realize that 3D is not the future.

And if they don’t, I have a problem, because I just can’t see the damn effect. Me and between 10% and 30% of people.

*There is even a non-profit organization working today to find and restore as many of these early 3D movies as possible, dating back to the 1920s. Find out more here.